My Mission

Wholeness comes from a Golden Rejoining of Our Fragmented Parts

 

 

 

 

 

My vision

Be Kind.

My dream for the world is that everyone loves themselves.

Living from a position of personal integrity empowers us to be kind to others. 

*The bowl above portrays Kintsugi ~ The Japanese art and philosophy of picking up the pieces, putting them back together and learning to embrace the cracks.

 

My story

Karma With My Mother

"Push Away... and Pull In..."

I grew up in Northern California with - as you might expect - a difficult mother. 

She was somewhat loving but also emotionally and verbally abusive. As a child, these mixed messages were very confusing. For example, she would push me away with barbed aggression and pull me back in with words of love and actions of care. 

I didn't feel loved. I felt helpless.

As a child and teen, I couldn't change things. I know now that we internalize the negative messages in these kinds of scenarios (and other difficult mother ways of being).  We carry them with us into our adult lives. Their impact is more profound than what we consciously realize.

 

Grown-up Pain

As a teen and young adult, I stood up for myself by arguing with my mother, even if I was never successful in changing her opinions. I pretended to put fists up in front of my heart to block out the barbs she sent my way. It didn't work. They would penetrate and pierce into my heart and soul.  

I know intimately the after-effects of constant criticism and aggressiveness coming out of the blue. The various drama and words from my mother reinforced the core belief: 

"You're no good."

I internalized this belief about myself and lived much of my adult life suffering from a harsh inner critic. 

Coming to Terms with Who I Am...


I spoke with people close to me about my relationship with my mother. Talking seemed to help, and looking back, I realize it helped me have clarity, as at least I was not suppressing what was going on.  But I did not know yet how much this all affected my sense of self, my self-love.

Love knocked on my door, and I took the opportunity to move from California to Germany, where I started a new life.  Unfortunately, as everyone else finds with relocation, my inner critic and emotional baggage moved right along with me. 

I thought that the love from my husband and the re-hashing of all the stories of my mama drama in therapy would fill the hole in my heart, but I've learned healing takes place from what we do in our lives now.  We are the only ones who can mend the wound in our hearts.  From within, we must heal.

My Transformational Journey towards Flourishing 

I eventually transformed from being the victim to becoming the one who flourishes. Creating my best life ever has been my journey ever since! 

I know how to tame my inner critic when she pops up now and then!

On this journey, I gained an understanding of my past. I understood what was unacceptable (but normalized) in my childhood, and the big one: 

It is our transformation of difficult emotions in the present where true transformation lies. And it doesn't have to be an overwhelming or scary thing to do!

I also understood my mothers psychology better. The reason for her emotional expressions came from her past, as she also suffered verbal abuse in her childhood.  Unaddressed, emotional brokenness repeats itself.  I learned to feel compassion for my mother, forgive her, and let go of the past. I also learned how to spend time with her without being re-traumatized. As a result, I was free to love her more. 

 

Creating a New Legacy

Practicing Insight Meditation, working with my Character Strengths, communing with my inner child, and using resilience-building exercises has allowed me to find the positives in myself. The past no longer determines my future. Instead, I've gained the ability to take ownership of my emotions, not let past hurts seep into the present (or be aware when they do and use my tools to stop trigger effects) and live in positivity. 

I went into parenthood with the determination to break the negative cycle of my family's past and build a new one with love, care, and understanding.  Being a 'perfect' parent is illusionary, and I do wish I had been less stressed and more joy conscious.  If I had been healed from my Mother Wound back then it would have helped.  I am a 'good enough' mother.

Being the mother of three wonderful children and having seven grandchildren brings me the greatest joy, and I am very proud to say, my children are very loving parents. The negative family legacy of the past is broken!

 

Managing Challenges

Our past is part of our life experiences; all the good and the ugly.  I believe that you can see the pain you've been through, or are still in the thick of, as an opportunity to learn, change and grow.  You can learn to replace difficult emotions and negating ways of being, with a wiser Self.  You can step into compassion for your wounded parts and get control over your reactions.   

You can make new neural connections in your brain, develop new ways of thinking, recognize when hindering emotional patterns from your past sneak back into your life, and work with them effectively so you can lead the life of your choice.  

Coming out of this in my own life as a counselor and coach, I get so much fulfillment from helping others transform their lack of self-love, self-worth and self-trust into wisdom, resilience and creative power.

 

 

Oshikan Sjodin-Bunse

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Other Aspects of My Life: 

I live an intercultural lifestyle, as I've either been an expat or a repat since leaving Northern California in 1979.  I will always be a lovepat (those who live long-term in their partner's country) as I originally moved to Germany to be with the man who is now my husband of 41 years.  

We have moved back and forth between Germany, Japan, and the USA with our three children.  Our permanent residence is now Berlin. With our whole family living in the same city, I am blessed and proud to be the grandmother of 7 little ones.

For over 20 years, I was a Shiatsu therapist and teacher.  I realized while working with my clients that I was deeply interested in how they were doing emotionally and psychologically.  I sensed that another way of working with people was calling to me.  I eventually I took up studies in psychopathology (the study of mental disorders) and positive psychology (the study of what is right and good about us).

 

The Call to Coach

Distant learning and coaching have been a part of my life for 20 years.  Today, my clients and I Zoom, speak on the phone or meet in person.  My career change from shiatsu therapist to coach, counselor and group facilitator began by helping expats and lovepats flourish on foreign soil.  

I know the perks and challenges of this lifestyle well, and it was rewarding to coach people from all over the world and present workshops at the Families in Global Transition conferences periodically.

Yet another heartfelt interest kept calling me, to help people recover from having a problematic relationship with their mother.  Due to the after-effects of my complex relationship with my mother, I know the painful consequences intimately.  It is my lifework now to support others to be emotionally whole and break the abusive cycles of their past. 

 

Well Prepared to Share a Better Future

I've combined the lessons I learned with training from leaders in the field of Positive Psychology, Coaching, Meditation, Resilience and Childhood Trauma.

It would be too much to name them all, as so many people contribute to my love of learning. Still, with great appreciation I mention, Martin Seligman (Positive Psychology), Lama Tsultrim Allione (Insight Meditation), John Gottman (Relationship Coaching), Ryan Niemac & Irene Nizzaro (Character Strengths), Karen Reivich & Emiliya Zhivotovskaya (Resilience), Christoph Mahr (Healing Practitioner for Psychotherapy), Patrick Teahan (Childhood Trauma) but to name a few.

I even had the privilege to co-author the book, "We Choose to Thrive:  Our Voices Rise in Unison to Share a Message of Hope and Inspiration for Abuse Survivors."

With a plethora of training and life experience, I'm well equipped to successfully offer know-how, tools, and deep compassion to deal with emotional trauma and ignite transformation! 

Living My Dream


It's become my deepest life fulfillment to support people in re-learning how to walk through life with a strong sense of self-love, self-worth, and self-trust.

Knowing the importance of breaking negative cycles, I teach parents how to build relationships of love, care and understanding by, first and foremost, healing from their childhood trauma.

I explore with clients how to heal the relationship with their mother where possible and, if frequent contact, limited contact or no contact is the healthiest option for them. 

Apart from living my calling, I love spending time with my family and friends and being in nature. My collection of 80+ heart-shaped rocks became the inspiration for the universal truth of my logo. 

Talk to Oshikan

Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Discovery Session

During this conversation we will:

  • Get to know each other.

  • Talk about your situation and reasons for reaching out. 

  • See if we are a good fit for working together.  

  • Answer any questions you have about my services.

Talk with me to continue your journey to more self-love, personal growth, better relationships, balance, and harmony.

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